I don't believe in God myself. But on the off-chance I'm wrong I'd have to say he's a lot nicer of deity than I would've been by any common description. If was the invisible sky god:
Lucifer-No banishment and fiefdom in Hell. I would've smashed him like a grape in front of all the other Angels. Made a real example of him.
Adam and Eve-After their transgression, I wouldn't have just increased the pain of Eve's labor and given her menstrual cramps. I would also have made Adam get a migraine headache every time he fucked her.
Cain-No banishment again. Just hardass smiting. Then I'd tell Adam and Eve, "You've got another one on the way. You're going to name him Seth. If you give a damn about him, tell him how I made Cain's head explode, lest he suffer the same fate."
Child Molestors-The first child molestor would have suffered a fate so gruesome that no child would have ever been molested again: I would've rammed my divine fist down said molestor's throat, grabbed him by the stomach, and yanked him inside out.
Humanity In General-The human race has been pulling the same shit since the beginning over and over again. I wouldn't have waited until the Roman Empire to send my only Son/My Avatar to die for their sins. Instead, sometime around Babylon, I would've sent a lean mean "HULK SMASH!!" warrior messiah instead of a healer to stomp the Holy Hell out of the sinners in Babylon. And I'd periodically send him back from time to time just to show everybody that I was still keeping an eye on things and wasn't going to tolerate war, murder, greed, etc.
I wouldn't require worship from humanity. Who needs vanity when you're Almighty? But I wouldn't tolerate a bunch of stupid bullshit from them either. Even the Old Testament God is a fairly mild deity compared to the hardass pipe-hittin' God I'd be. *chukles*
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branchandroot
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Date: 2011-04-06 02:13 am (UTC)Lucifer-No banishment and fiefdom in Hell. I would've smashed him like a grape in front of all the other Angels. Made a real example of him.
Adam and Eve-After their transgression, I wouldn't have just increased the pain of Eve's labor and given her menstrual cramps. I would also have made Adam get a migraine headache every time he fucked her.
Cain-No banishment again. Just hardass smiting. Then I'd tell Adam and Eve, "You've got another one on the way. You're going to name him Seth. If you give a damn about him, tell him how I made Cain's head explode, lest he suffer the same fate."
Child Molestors-The first child molestor would have suffered a fate so gruesome that no child would have ever been molested again: I would've rammed my divine fist down said molestor's throat, grabbed him by the stomach, and yanked him inside out.
Humanity In General-The human race has been pulling the same shit since the beginning over and over again. I wouldn't have waited until the Roman Empire to send my only Son/My Avatar to die for their sins. Instead, sometime around Babylon, I would've sent a lean mean "HULK SMASH!!" warrior messiah instead of a healer to stomp the Holy Hell out of the sinners in Babylon. And I'd periodically send him back from time to time just to show everybody that I was still keeping an eye on things and wasn't going to tolerate war, murder, greed, etc.
I wouldn't require worship from humanity. Who needs vanity when you're Almighty? But I wouldn't tolerate a bunch of stupid bullshit from them either. Even the Old Testament God is a fairly mild deity compared to the hardass pipe-hittin' God I'd be. *chukles*