mahnmut: (Super cool story bro!)
[personal profile] mahnmut

"You wish to confess your crimes?"


"Yes, My Lady. I do, My Lady."


"The sky cells always break them! Speak, Imp. Meet your gods as an honest man."


"Where do I begin, my lords and ladies? I am a vile man, I confess it. My crimes and sins are beyond counting. I have lied and cheated, gambled and whored. I'm not particularly good at violence, but I'm good at convincing others to do violence for me. You want specifics, I suppose. When I was seven, I saw a servant girl bathing in the river. I stole her robe and she was forced to return to the castle naked and in tears. I close my eyes, but I can still see her tits bouncing..."



""When I was ten, I stuffed my uncle's boots with goat shit. When confronted with my crime, I blamed a squire. Poor boy was flogged, and I escaped justice. When I was twelve I milked my eel into a pot of turtle stew. I flogged the one-eyed snake, I skinned my sausage. I made the bald man cry into the turtle stew, which I do believe my sister ate. At least I hope she did."



"I once brought a jackass and a honeycomb into a brothel..."



"Silence!!!"



"WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?"


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