The truth about Kevin!
Apr. 24th, 2010 06:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mahnmutRe: that volcano Eyja-blabla-bla-something, or as Stewart decided to rename it, Kevin*, that everyone keeps talking about.
* name approved by NAMBLA
If someone thinks the eruption is a coincidence, they're dead wrong. Kevin going off is no damn coincidence. It's part of a long, long chain of events which have a fairly logical explanation.
Actually the story begins a long time ago, but I'll focus on the most recent episodes. The day is 9-11-2001. Several planes (some say just 2 panes) go assplode on several locations across the US of Ameristan, a.k.a. Teh Worldz (reference: *World* Trade Center, *World* Series, etc). This is an act of war by the Dark Forces on the Forces of Light, and Air Force 1 disappears before it re-appears again in a mysterious location. Subsequently, the Empire of the Good declares a Holy War on the entire Evil Mankind (as opposed to the good mankind), a.k.a. Axis of Eevull, which constitutes that part of the mankind which we now call Terriztz, who possess a lot of oil and who won't play by the tune of the Internashunul Kommunity which upholds all the world democratic values and protects all the Goodness in Teh Worldz. (Are you following?)
Bringing reason, humanism & secular demokr'sy to the doorsteps of the hidden caves where those wicked savages hide is a merciless, quick-as-lightning and resolute process, and brings shock'n'awe across the Globe (a minor side effect being the tidal wave that drowns a minor city in the Amurrkin Deep South, but that's a small price to pay for Freedum). Former foes (for instance: Redcoats & Rednecks) stand shoulder to shoulder in this uneven struggle against the insidious enemy, where the good guys are more even than the enemy.
And thus, we come to the point where, 9 years later, a Polish plane crushes in Russia...
Shortly before that, Al Qaeda (the Antichrist Beast without a face, whose mythical chieftain has an army of field plastic surgeons at his disposal at any given moment) has promised the US of Ameristan to deliver more fatal blows on Democracy and Teh Valuez That We Stand For, than Tecumseh, Che, Kim, Fidel, Mao, Chavez & Joseph Smith Jr put together.
And thus, the Polish president fell into the forest. And the big secret which had been skilfully concealed for so long, finally showed up: the islamo-fascist Osama bin (ibn) Laden (not to be confused with his secret islamo-socialist cousin Hussein-Osama) had been no-one else but Putin himself!
Yeah, right? But how is that possible? Well, the initial idea had been to divert the plane towards the Golden Gate Bridge, and after smashing it there, the resulting vibration wave was supposed to trigger a Yellowstone eruption and split the Amurrkin continent into Real Amurkka and the archipelago of Those Wicked Libs On The Coast, the latter eventually sinking into the sea, Atlantis-style, because of its irreparable depravity.
But, don't forget that we're working with Russian technology here, and it often suffers of malfunctions, being produced somewhere around 19-WW1. So this resulted in a plan jamming and it misfired, instead causing the Kevin eruption. But that's still OK, because on the upside, the smoke has now darkened the skies over Old Europe, grounding all their planes, killing their tourism industry and turning the world climate for the next years to mini Ice Age, thus simultaneously proving Al Gore is an idiot, and providing a fog of war that is suitable for the infiltration of more burqa-wearing female Muslim agents into our Good Civilizashun of the W.W.W. (wild wild West).
All this would've never been possible to happen, if Putin had not admitted the truth in 2002 and if he hadn't de-classified all his KGB secret archives, compared to which the X-Files are like a book of comics. And we'd be flying around free like birds today. But we aren't.
My logic is inescapable! I can provide proof, but I don't want to put my informants in jeopardy. *
* reading between the lines is a biach
* name approved by NAMBLA
If someone thinks the eruption is a coincidence, they're dead wrong. Kevin going off is no damn coincidence. It's part of a long, long chain of events which have a fairly logical explanation.
Actually the story begins a long time ago, but I'll focus on the most recent episodes. The day is 9-11-2001. Several planes (some say just 2 panes) go assplode on several locations across the US of Ameristan, a.k.a. Teh Worldz (reference: *World* Trade Center, *World* Series, etc). This is an act of war by the Dark Forces on the Forces of Light, and Air Force 1 disappears before it re-appears again in a mysterious location. Subsequently, the Empire of the Good declares a Holy War on the entire Evil Mankind (as opposed to the good mankind), a.k.a. Axis of Eevull, which constitutes that part of the mankind which we now call Terriztz, who possess a lot of oil and who won't play by the tune of the Internashunul Kommunity which upholds all the world democratic values and protects all the Goodness in Teh Worldz. (Are you following?)
Bringing reason, humanism & secular demokr'sy to the doorsteps of the hidden caves where those wicked savages hide is a merciless, quick-as-lightning and resolute process, and brings shock'n'awe across the Globe (a minor side effect being the tidal wave that drowns a minor city in the Amurrkin Deep South, but that's a small price to pay for Freedum). Former foes (for instance: Redcoats & Rednecks) stand shoulder to shoulder in this uneven struggle against the insidious enemy, where the good guys are more even than the enemy.
And thus, we come to the point where, 9 years later, a Polish plane crushes in Russia...
Shortly before that, Al Qaeda (the Antichrist Beast without a face, whose mythical chieftain has an army of field plastic surgeons at his disposal at any given moment) has promised the US of Ameristan to deliver more fatal blows on Democracy and Teh Valuez That We Stand For, than Tecumseh, Che, Kim, Fidel, Mao, Chavez & Joseph Smith Jr put together.
And thus, the Polish president fell into the forest. And the big secret which had been skilfully concealed for so long, finally showed up: the islamo-fascist Osama bin (ibn) Laden (not to be confused with his secret islamo-socialist cousin Hussein-Osama) had been no-one else but Putin himself!
Yeah, right? But how is that possible? Well, the initial idea had been to divert the plane towards the Golden Gate Bridge, and after smashing it there, the resulting vibration wave was supposed to trigger a Yellowstone eruption and split the Amurrkin continent into Real Amurkka and the archipelago of Those Wicked Libs On The Coast, the latter eventually sinking into the sea, Atlantis-style, because of its irreparable depravity.
But, don't forget that we're working with Russian technology here, and it often suffers of malfunctions, being produced somewhere around 19-WW1. So this resulted in a plan jamming and it misfired, instead causing the Kevin eruption. But that's still OK, because on the upside, the smoke has now darkened the skies over Old Europe, grounding all their planes, killing their tourism industry and turning the world climate for the next years to mini Ice Age, thus simultaneously proving Al Gore is an idiot, and providing a fog of war that is suitable for the infiltration of more burqa-wearing female Muslim agents into our Good Civilizashun of the W.W.W. (wild wild West).
All this would've never been possible to happen, if Putin had not admitted the truth in 2002 and if he hadn't de-classified all his KGB secret archives, compared to which the X-Files are like a book of comics. And we'd be flying around free like birds today. But we aren't.
My logic is inescapable! I can provide proof, but I don't want to put my informants in jeopardy. *
* reading between the lines is a biach
